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I remember alittle bit of my youth. Pulled away by a mother that did not want me. Hauled around by an alchoholic Dad but one that loved me. Being introduced to a woman that I started calling Mom. That would be my only step mom. Being left out because I was the step daughter and my sister was the real daughter. Not seeing much motherly love or fatherly love at that. I was confused as to who I was and where I belonged. My parents were heavy pot smokers, ciggeratte smokers and alchoholic Dad. I can say I never tried drugs because I couldn't stand them. I mean I tried them but it just wasn't for me. But really how did I know, I really didn't know who I was. I tried so many different identities but couldn't identify with any of them. One day I would wear boots, the next I would try to fit in the the rich. None worked I was thrown to the side by all. Looking for love, never finding it at home. The next best place mabye at school. Being a no one not many people wanted to hang with me. Really confused I moved out at 15 with a Grandmother(the mom of my real mom). I had a new start to be anyone but still carried the old one. I couldn't get away from myself. I got pregnant at 17 and got married at 18. Broke, most of the time my husband and I and our child would move from one place to another all the time. Finally God stopped us right in our tracks when he took our first child. He was 2 when he passed away. So much pain hit and questions of why and how and why us and why our son. God knew the answer, were we willing to ask. I now know the answer to why. Why because he loves us. How because he gives and he takes life. My son was not mine at all and I finally realize that. So I am 28 and still standing, not on my own but by God's hand guiding me step by step. I miss my son, but he lost his life so that I could be called by the Father. I love Jesus and will always stand for him. And who am I now A soldier for Christ called to preach the Gospel. I was that back then but was not listening. God Bless you all and May God revile himself intimately to you all.
Loving Christ, Steph
This message was edited by alive4him on 11-24-03 @ 4:07 PM
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